I have probably imagined the moment I would first hold my child more than most. When I found out at 12 that my fertility was in jeopardy it changed the rest of my life. Up until then I had taken it for granted that I would be able to have children. As the oldest of four girls, I enjoyed helping out more with each one of my sisters as they joined our family. At 5-years-old I asked my mom if I could save my favorite dress for a future daughter. At 10 years old I began writing letters to my future children as part of my journal. There has never been a single moment when I questioned whether I wanted to be a mother. There was never even a moment I felt indifferent about it.
If you had asked me at 13-years-old while I was in 8th grade what I wanted most in my life, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say that it was to be able to have children. Likewise, if you had asked me at 16-years-old as I was learning to drive or 19-years-old and in the middle of my college degree, my answer would have been exactly the same. There has never been anything I’ve wanted even half as much. This desire is a part of my soul; it is something I could never have separated from my self. At times over the last few years I tried to cut it out of my heart, but I could have more easily gone without a part of my body.
And now, my greatest dream has come true. I am a mother, and my heart has never been more full.
Ross David, previously known as Sweet Pea, was born on January 24th at 5:19am on his due date. He weighed 7 lbs 2 oz and measured 20 inches in length. If there is a better example of a miracle out there than this child, I am unable to think of it. Ross would never have come to be through nature alone, and not just because of my inability to carry him. With sperm from September 2014 and my egg from March 2015, he was frozen for 2 months before being transferred as an embryo in May to a woman with whom he shared no biological relation. Through lots of sacrifice, love, and prayers, he grew into the baby in my arms today. From the first phone call with the fertility clinic to the birth of our son, the surrogacy process lasted 574 long days for us. Thank you to Elle and her husband who have given us the greatest gift possible.
And thank you to everyone for the texts, messages, and calls. They are so overwhelming that I can only read them a few at a time in the quiet moments at night as I try to calm down enough to sleep. We were discharged from the hospital Tuesday morning and spent last night at Elle’s before loading up the car and starting on our 4-day trip home today. There will be more to come on his birth story and the meaning behind his name, but in the meantime we are savoring each moment.