Now that our IVF cycle has officially started, I’ve spent the entire day anxiously awaiting my first injections. Way back in September–before we left for our trip to England & Wales, before ever meeting Elle*, before our lives were irrevocably changed– Kyle and I sat down with our fertility nurse to learn all the details of how to administer the medication. Back then we had no idea that the information wouldn’t be relevant until nearly six months later or that I’d have so much time to build it up in my mind while our cycle was delayed even further.
The thought of pushing needles through my own stomach has never been a pleasant one, but even still, I can’t complain too much. When Elle received her first injection (which are different than mine and not in the stomach) in the end of December, she had to overcome a serious fear of needles to get through it, and since then she’s practically become an expert. On the other hand, I don’t know why the thought of starting this medication makes me so anxious. Unlike Elle, I am fortunate not to have a fear of needles (which would have made living with chronic illness nearly impossible). I’ve also already been in much more pain today than a needle could cause me, and I’ve been through much worse medically than stomach injections. This isn’t even the hardest thing I’ve had to do for infertility, and I’d easily agree to do much more than this in order to have a child. But still, I am struggling to go through with it.
Last week I received the large box of medication, needles, syringes, gauze, alcohol swabs, and pills I’ll need to get to my egg retrieval in two weeks. It was an incredibly overwhelming package to receive, especially because it has been such a long time since I was taught how to use everything and there are about 5 different types of needles in all. I’ve watched the instructional videos several times already and set everything up in the guest bathroom so that I can leave it out over these next few weeks.
Kyle helped me prepare the injections, which included mixing the two little glass bottles above (one is full of powder, the other liquid). My legs shook while he guided me through each step as if he has been doing this all his life. It all comes down to two injections I have to give myself tonight, and as Kyle used to say when we first met in college: There’s nothin’ to it but to do it.
*Name changed for privacy reasons