Application for Becoming a Parent (with Your Help)

A few nights ago we climbed into bed with the laptop and finally worked on completing our profile together for the surrogate agency. Even though it only required giving answers to questions we had long since thought through, it felt like an intimidating step– mostly because we knew that our potential carrier would have the ability to reject us after reviewing it.


The easiest questions came first (where we grew up, the names and ages of our siblings, our educational histories and employment) before they gradually called for a little more thought. But, above all, the hardest piece to complete was writing a brief “letter” to our potential carrier about our dream to become parents. How is it even possible to put something you want so badly into words? How can a few paragraphs even do justice to your greatest desire? How can anything we say truly convey what we’ve been through these last few years? For the record: it’s not, they can’t, and it won’t.

Once we completed the informational part, all we had to do was choose six representative photos of ourselves and our families to be sent to the carrier. We picked a photo from our wedding first, the only one of the six in which I think we truly look happy and carefree, the only one taken before we started trying to get pregnant. We chose a photo of my family taken while we were all together on the Cape last year, a picture of us with Kyle’s brother, Carl, and his wife, Audrye, from their grandpa’s 80th birthday celebration, a picture with Kyle’s parents from the time they visited us on Sanibel Island while we were vacationing, and a photo of me with all three of my sisters– it was snapped at the end of one sister’s wedding reception and in it we all look tired but happy and relaxed. The last photo we included is from just a few days ago and was taken with our dog, Orion, as we posed for our newest family photo on our old college campus.

Below is just a bit of what we filled out for our profile.

Intended Parent Profile

Intended Parent 1: Ashley

If you have a partner, what qualities attracted you to him/her?
Kyle is the most compassionate person I have ever met. He has a great sense of humor and is able to make me smile no matter how difficult my day has been. Kyle is also intelligent, trustworthy, and hardworking. He has a great ability to put people at ease and is outgoing and personable.

What will be your partner’s greatest strengths as a parent?
I believe Kyle’s easygoing nature and ability to adapt to situations will be strengths in him as a parent. He also has a sense of responsibility and is hardworking, which I feel is important and will be an asset when raising a child. But, I especially think that his compassion and natural selflessness will be a great strength in his role as a parent. He cares deeply for others and is willing to make sacrifices for the benefit of other people.

Intended Parent 2: Kyle

What qualities attracted you to your partner?
Ashley has always been a good friend (our relationship began as friends in college). Ashley has a great sense of humor, is honest, and very accepting of others. She is very compassionate and a good listener. Ashley has also always been very supportive of me.

What will be your partner’s greatest strengths as a parent?
Ashley is very loving, compassionate, and selfless, putting the needs of others before her own. She is also very goal-oriented, organized, and motivated. I think each of these characteristics, individually and collectively, will help to make Ashley a great parent.

Please write up to an additional page together to your potential donor/surrogate about yourselves and about your dream to become parents.

Having a family someday has been one of the biggest dreams we’ve had together since we met and started dating at 18 years old. We are both very family-oriented and have close relationships with our respective families, despite the physical distance between us.

However, dealing with Ashley’s chronic health issues has always been at the forefront of our lives. When she was diagnosed at 12 years old with endometriosis, she knew that it was possible she may not be able to have a child someday. Since then she has had several surgeries and tried many treatments in order to hopefully preserve her fertility for the future.

We got married in September 2009 and always planned to get pregnant sooner rather than later because of the greater potential for infertility the longer we waited. But, when we started trying in early 2012, we were unable to get pregnant on our own. Later in the year Ashley underwent surgery to remove more endometriosis and help our chances, but still we struggled.

Going through the experience of infertility has been absolutely devastating, and we eventually came to the decision to work with a surrogate agency in hopes of finding a gestational carrier. We felt like having a family was the thing we wanted most in our lives and we needed to pursue it further.

We still dream of someday being parents and hope that we will get to have this privilege. Both of us believe that children are a huge blessing and we are more than ready to have a child to love in our lives.

I can’t help but wonder what would it be like if every parent-to-be had to apply for the position. How would you feel if strangers had the power to decide whether or not you should be a parent? Maybe people wouldn’t take the ability to have children for granted as much as they do now.


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